Jessy

Break away

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 02:27:09 GMT

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray..
I could break away...

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
...and break away.

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I wont forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
and break..away.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye</b>
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change..

And break away.

Lovely song. That one's to my mom, Deb. The first and last time I'll call you mom.....

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 16:50:13 GMT

jess goes VROOM VROOM

=) happiness.

This one's for you

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 05:01:51 GMT

I promised Cathy I'd update with a real entry--whatever that is.

I've been spending a lot of time with friends and the time spent just adds on to a lot of the nostalgia. I'm sure everyone's gone through it, the fear and excitement of senior year that is and that's what I've been going through. My life has been a rollercoaster this summer filled with a lot of self-realization. I learned so much about myself and the people around me and I guess.... Not being around these people next year scares me to pieces.

Like Greg....I miss that guy so much sometimes, it's nauseating, lol.

And Tam.

And Deb. <33333 who cried going through baby pictures she found.

And... many many more people.

But I guess....change was inevitable, I mean I knew senior year would be the most nostalgic, the one year where ya learn how to really let go and acknowledge the fact that you're growing up.

=/ But I don't wanna.

That is all.

Cathy, I hope you read this. <333333

This exists!

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 02:07:00 GMT

Cathy reminded me that I had an LJ.

Good job, hun.

A good time has passed and then some. I'll update soon. =]

Sat, 18 Oct 2003 06:47:43 GMT

why is michelle in massachusetts?

why is greg at new york?

...NO ONE tells me anything anymore. BAH!

update

Sun, 05 Oct 2003 19:23:41 GMT

I live again! I'm on my 10 minute break from homework, so I thought I'd do something non....homeworkish. What's been up?

Lots and lots. I visited Greg last weekend... fun stuff. His roommate's kinda weird, but he's a cool guy once you get to know him... His dorm's a doll, too.. so yay for him.

Jesse's at my father's right now. I swear.... he loves Jesse more than me. But I guess that's cause he's always wanted a son, and got stuck with lil ole me. .. oh well, I'm happy for them; my father's less temperamental when Jesse's around, and I can say that my father's such a better father than Kyle, so yeah.

School is still school. Remember Rex, the one graduating this year? Turns out there's a good amount of students that are doing the same thing. I wonder how it would be to not have a senior year and be the youngest one on the unversity campus.... must be fun and challenging, no? Anyway, it's crossed my mind a lot, so that's why I'm bringing up again... yes yes, Jess is a nerd.

What else is there? Nothing else, really.. I have no life. I've been busy but now that I think about it, it's all academic related kinda busy....but school's fun, so I'm hitting two birds with one stone. I'll update soon (soon ...in Jess time)... :)

excerpt from mr. _____

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 05:15:04 GMT

" She slept so peacefully. I think I watched her for a little over an hour, just wondering what or whom she was dreaming of. Finally, she murmured and realized that I was there...She gasped silently and smiled, the same smile that broke so many hearts...the same smile that could make you weep in a heart beat...and I think for a millisecond I would have if she hadn't said anything to me.

'Sit' she said, patting the empty space next to her curled body. I obeyed absentmindedly. And then something happened; she turned so that we were face to face.. I could feel her breath against my face and I wanted to die right then and there. She looked up at me with sillyness in her eyes. I knew what she meant... nothing can happen, nothing was going to happen, her eyes said. I have a girlfriend. She's great, lovely, faithful......

....The angel's eyes are so sad, even though the sadness is hidden behind a very good mask. I've seen past it. I held my breath to keep from saying anything remotely unintelligent, but I could only hold it for so long.

'Good morning,' I said, almost whispering. Her smile grew just as I reached for her hand. I needed to know she was real before I left her again. Fortunately, she allowed me to take her hand and place her fingers just barely against my mouth. I stopped breathing. I tried to figure out how I would stand up and leave something so beautiful behind.

Slowly she slid her hand out of mine. 'We can't,' she said and I could sense a tone of bittersweetness in her voice. I nodded, biting my tongue. She was so thoughtful, so considerate of others. I don't think I've seen her selfish once. She watched my eyes as they began to water. I'm not a mush, usually, which is why I warned you, reader, earlier that if you aren't one either, to not read on, but this girl... this girl was probably the love of my life. She wiped a few tears away and it was then that I felt the most vulnerable. My hands were tied and there wasn't anything I could have done do but sit ther and watch her, keep her in my memory so that I would never forget the girl who had, and who still has my heart.

I do have a girlfriend, and she's wonderful and I know you hate me by now, but what am I left to do? I care deeply about her, but my heart was left where it wanted to stay; with the angel with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. All because of me. If you're reading this and you know who you are, I love you."

................

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 21:18:43 GMT

alex rawks my sawks with sexy icons.

i'm a dealer, come and get some. =)

Just an update

Wed, 03 Sep 2003 08:05:07 GMT

Well..school started about two weeks ago. Fun stuff yo! Ahh, humbug-Alex is really rubbing off on me with that stuff. Must stop, must top. Anyways, my schedule is as follows (for my stalkers out there... lmao, wankers).

1. Integral Calc (sc)
2. Acting, Film, and Television (sponsored class)
3. Biochem (experimental class..school's not sure if they're keeping it)
4. English 1A
5. Spanish 5-6
6. Economics
7. Anatomy n Phys
8. (free period) But I T.A. for 8th per Trig

.....16 year old Rex is graduating this year. o.O....

BASTARD.

TWO CLASSES. TWO CLASSES and I'm there. I hate you =p.

Is it me or did our uniforms get shorter this year? lmao, it's hard to go out to lunch in our Britney Spears outfits.... people always assume we're ditching or we're fulfilling some type of illminded fantasy. But oh well..... yay for junior priveleges! Booo for Rex!!

My teachers are awesome this year =). I like my classes this year too =). I drive legally this year =). Goooooo us.

til whenever yo!! agh.

Just Thinking

Sun, 24 Aug 2003 08:24:44 GMT

So today was weird. Haven't updated in a while and I thought today would be a good day to update because .... no one's really around to hear what I have to say about today.

I had a good time with my father today... you know, those days where I know that he can be a good person, and know that he's actually more than just a bussinessman. I spent the whole day with him and I felt great...

and then I remembered the date today. And then I realized how far Greg really is....I hate having him that far, it truly pisses me off because then I start to realize how much of a great friend he is, and how much of me has left right along with him. I realized this more so today because today was just a bad date.

I don't wanna talk about it. I don't want people to tell me everything's okay, because.. duh, it's not. Today marks the day where I couldn't fullfill my potential as a true friend, today marks the day where I had to grow up because I had no way else of dealing with it other than to accept it as an adult would; matter of factly. Today was when I needed some people the most and.... they weren't there, which made me feel even more alone than I do.

Greg, just come home.... I need to be able to run over to your house when things like this happen. You don't have to go to college, do you? The phone line still didn't make you feel a mile closer......I was so alone today. Just come home for the weekend, or maybe I can even visit you? There's stuff on my mind that someone needs to hear. There are tears that need to be caught, but only today...I swear I'll play everyone's superwoman once today passes...I just need someone to save me temporarily.

It's 1:23 am.... and it still feels like the day isn't over.

The end.

Just An Update

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 19:27:15 GMT

Wow.. I have posted an entry since a very long time ago.

Hmm.. what's been up? Well, college classes started about three weeks ago and unfortunately, the classes are a joke. I was so dissappointed, but hey... at least it gives me something to do every day.

I've been spending a lot of time with Greg... again, lol. I'm starting to wonder if he's tired of me because.. every day of Jess is just a lot to swallow, mate. :P. He hasn't complained so far, so.. I'm hoping he doesn't mind my company.

James and Raina.... are going out? I don't know, people have told me that they've gotten together, but people can be stupid at times, so I don't really know what to believe. If they are together then... congratulations?? If not, then.. it'll be bound to happen with the way James' slavemaster is running things. Oh well.. I don't care, I've got Greg :PPPPPPPPPPPPPP. j/k... I really wish I knew where I stand with Greg though, it would clear a lot of things up inside this jumbled up head of mine.

Speaking of which, I spent like the whole day at the park with him... It was so much fun. Michelle and Rob came too so it was sort of like.. a double date but not really because Greg and I aren't... specifically dating. Geeze.... Rob and Michelle have been together for a very long time now.. like, 10 months? LoL, aren't you happy I met him for you, Miche?

Anyway, I have class in about three hours, woopy! I think I'll ask Michelle to have lunch with me and hopefully Greggy can come too.. those two together are beyond hilarious.. lol I never knew exes can be so ... 'loving'. I'll update again soon.. if anything interesting happens, that is.

"It's her birthday! ::starts singing:: Ha--"-CPK Staffmember
"Could you wait just a freaking minute?!!" - Greg
"He needs time to choose which voice in his head he wants to sing for me.."-Michelle

lmao....

Update-ism

Mon, 23 Jun 2003 03:02:37 GMT

I breathe yet again. People keep reminding me that I have a journal to write in, so here I am. Anyway...

Tomorrow is when my college classes start and I'm too excited for my own good. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight... because I'm a nerd like that. Tomorrow is also the same day I start my exercise program again, because God knows I've been lazy times two this past week and a half.

So far I've seen Alex & Emma, which is a definite must see for people who love comedic romances. Although it was kind of cheesy and predictable, the film definitely had good essence and a good sense of parallelism between reality and dreams...(the book vs. the main character's life). Plus, Kate Hudson's a sweetheart <3. I also watched The Hulk which didn't rock my boat too much. Good graphics and animation, but it ran kinda long and the ending used wasn't worth waiting for. That movie also had a good love story going on, but I don't think the fanatic kids enjoyed that too much. It was a decent movie overall...

Anyway. Enough movie talk.. lol can ya tell I've had no life in the past week and a half? Thank goodness school starts tomorrow...

As far as relationships are concerned.. eh. That's all I have to say. EH. EH. EH.

Today

Wed, 11 Jun 2003 04:34:55 GMT

Today was a very very long and eventful day. Leyah and I bought sunglasses today since I lost the ones I bought last week... I have absolutely NO idea where I put them and I'm pretty sure I've searched far and beyond my premices, so..yes. And TWICE I had icecream today... they're conspiring against me I swear, I'm gonna come back to school rolling my way to class.

And then I spoke to Michelle for the longest time.... which was fun, we were able to catch up. And right now, I'm reading books online... why online? Because I'm too lazy to go to the bookstore... at least today I was. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually go out and get the book I'm reading... all the books I bought a few days ago are just not rocking my boat. So I figured that if I did some research, read a few chapters here and there.. I'd know for sure which book I wanted to buy, and that's what I'm doing.

Anyway, when I went to the mall Cassy saw me and waved...but I didn't have my contacts on so I sort of squinted ebfore I realized it was her and I waved and said "Hi!"... but when I got home she was like.."You looked so uncertain wavingi! it was nice seeing LEYAH....at least she said Hi..see if I ever call out to you again and blah blah, you're so mean." And I was like... "Hmmm..." ... what's up with people today?!

::WAVES:: HIIIII CASSY. I love you.

::sigh:: It really wasn't that big of a deal.

Update

Sun, 08 Jun 2003 00:46:37 GMT

I live! Or.. something to that affect. Anyway, school's out so I figured I'd make time to update this ancient thing. School let out last week.... and now I have nothing to do until college classes start on the 16th. Bahh humbug.. am I pathetic or what? Oh well..

I've been spending a lot of time with Leyah, Michelle, and Greg. Yesterday we went to the mall and did nothing special.. Actually Greg and I bought books.. I donno why HE bought some, I needed some because of summer reading requirements.. lol NEEERD. J/K </3>here</b>, which he is... but err, you know what I mean. ANYWHO. I went to eat a banana split and omg I feel like a faaaat cow... I told Leyah to come over so she could help me finish it, but she refused! Which reminds me.. tomorrow, after Church, I'm going to work out with the chicas, yay!

And then on Wednesday, I have a Acadeca meeting... cause I made the team. =) Then of course.. I have to go shopping for school stuff because summer classes start the sixteenth..woo-p-ee. Oh well.. at least it'll keep me busy.. And then in July, I'm off to Australia, yayyyy.

Yay for busy summer!

Yay an update...

Wed, 26 Mar 2003 08:22:47 GMT

They really must add on more hours to the day. I keep forgetting I have a journal and when I do remember, I'm far too occuppied to write in it. Anyways, to say what I've been up to... lots of school stuff. I think I'm officially an insomniac, or I have some type of sleeping disorder because the whole.. closing your eyes and opening them up 8 hours later is just not working for me.

Homework keeps piling on and on, even though I've tried getting a head start with them. Show for You is this week and they told me that I wasn't going to participate until yesterday, so I've freaked out about that and I plan to continue to do so until it is over and done with, or until they decide to pull me out. Friday....the school's having a beach party and I think I'm part of the committee, they haven't quite told me yet.

But the semi- good news is: Spring Break starts on Friday for me. The cons of this? No one else but a couple of schools and some universities get out that same day. Ehh whatever, I'll take any type of break at this point of my school life in a heart beat.

hehehe.... a quick side note: Chase's getting a mini-cooper! :P I doubt we'd fit in it, but it's a lovely car nonetheless. ROAD.TRIP.

Anyways, I have so much more stuff to read for tomorrow's session and I haven't even started because I was busy doing my other homework. ::sigh:: It's past midnight and my mind is exhausted, but I'm not entirely tired because I'm not very sleepy or.. anything, really. I'm sort of just here.

So the story goes like this...

Fri, 07 Mar 2003 05:34:40 GMT

It's March 6th; Greg's birthday. I don't even know how old he is, but I'm pretty sure he's either 17 or 18.... yeah yeah, I'm a good friend. But anyways... we were supposed to go out with Michelle and James, obviously that didn't work out because he bailed for whatever reason. I got him a fairly nice gift too, after thinking forever and a half about it. Oh well... I guess it'll have to wait when HE can take the time to recieve it. Ever-what.... guys blahh.

And I'm sooo bored because I finished all of my homework and studied for most of the quizzes/tests I have for the next two weeks because I was really excited about tonight and wanted no obligations. So Greggy if you're reading this.....::sigh:: Just have a good birthday, for the sake of what everyone sacraficed things to just spend time with you tonight like Miche, James and all the people that were gonna be there tonight.

My fingers are falling asleep......

Yay for Three Day Weekend

Sun, 09 Feb 2003 07:31:24 GMT

We have two three day weekends in a row, each following a minimum day, so I'm psyched to stay home and relax. I've been sick lately and today I was shopping for the red carpet for the upcoming dance and I felt soooo out of it, so when I came home my sis took my temperature and I had a fever of 104 degrees lol.. and I suggested to Kylie that she should try and cook something on my skin, but she didn't think that would be entertaining.

Eeek Donna's b-day is coming up.. if you're reading this, Donna.. HAPPY DONNA DAY! (2/14). You're bloody old now, you yank... but that's okay because I still heart you :P.

Speaking of Birthdays... Greg's b-day is on the 6th of March, Chirro's is on the 7th, Michelle (normal)'s is on the 13th, and Steven's is on the 14th. I should go shopping for gifts really soon or else I'm going to forget or get lazy.. :P.

So yeah.. on Monday, I'm going to Barnes and Nobles to make posters for the upcoming dance along with like 8 other people. After I finish with all of that, I think I'll go shopping or go see a movie with the girls...Oh, I saw Darkness Falls.. for the weakhearted like me, don't see that movie. Like.. don't even think about seeing that movie, lol. For all you normal people, it was pretty much semi-decent, but the legend within the plot was kind of odd. I saw it at night too.. ::shivers like the scaredy cat I am::.

Steve's at Disneyland today! I was sooo mad at him for not being here and not taking care of me, SHAME SHAME. J/K ;). He went with Matt and other people to celebrate Matt's birthday, so yeah... I'm waiting for him to call so I can give him all types of guilt trips about me being sick and him not being a good friend.. Evilness, I know, but still.. he knows I kid.

Anyways, I think I'll do that now... muwahaha. See ya when I see ya..

New Journal

Mon, 20 Jan 2003 01:14:32 GMT

LoL, I've written this kind of introduction thing about myself in far too many journals. Let's hope this one stays alive for a while. Anyways, yes, I found myself a new journal to rant in... all the other ones sorta just were forgotten about. I either forgot my user name or password...or maybe even the server provider lmao.

So, yeah.... hopefully you'll be seeing more of me in this thing, for my sake that is. ;)